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Not Enough

Posted on Wed Dec 30th, 2020 @ 4:14pm by Ensign Javn Darhk
Edited on on Thu Jan 21st, 2021 @ 2:56pm

Mission: Mission 4: Letting the Hair Down
Location: Deck 10: Ten Forward
Timeline: MD 07 - 1200 Hours

Javn sat facing the giant window in the back of ten forward, her purple eyes stared out into the black nothingness of open space. In front of her lay a Novel PADD she was having issues concentrating on and in her hand was a half drank glass of white wine. Her first day back on the Orion had been a surprising one for sure, with the sudden replacement of Dr. Wolf and discovering the new doctor was none other then the hybrid she had fallen in love with on Risa.

Releasing a big sigh she leaned back in her chair and took another sip of her wine.

Lyras approached her from behind, resting his hands gently on her shoulders as he leaned in to kiss her. It was a quick kiss, not something he would do often in public as he considered this a private affair, though since he saw it was quiet, he indulged. "Hi," he greeted as he walked around her and sat in a chair across from her. "What are you reading?"

For a brief moment Javn could have sworn she felt the sun beaming down on her cheek as Lyras kissed her. She felt silly, knowing how improbable is was to even think that aboard a starship. "Hiya back." She responded as she watched him take his seat, she couldn't help but smile, her insides bursting with happiness at just the sight of him. She tilted her head at first, forgetting she had even brought something to read with her.

"Oh, its nothing, just some research on a topic I find very intriguing." Her smile was playful," I was wondering if you would find me."

"Why would I not find you?" he queried as he studied her, watching her smile. "Even if I had not found you here, I am certain the computer would have informed me of your location?"

"It would, but its still nice to know you came to find me. That you wanted to seek me out." She leaned forward straightening her posture a bit. "So, a doctor."

"What about it?" Confusion flashed across his face at her statement, not quite understanding what she meant. "And of course I would see you out, I desire to be in your presence. I desire your company."

Javn shrugged holding back the blush that was fighting its way to color her face. She wished she wasn't so easy roused by just his words. "I'm just surprised I guess, I honestly thought you were an engineer, or I dont know...a science officer maybe." She paused for a moment biting her bottom lip, she felt her words weren't coming across in the manner in which she meant them.

That elicited a smile from him. "An engineer? No, I have always been a doctor, never even considered any other career for myself." He leaned closer. "I did not consider it important to share my profession with you while we were on Risa, and I still do not consider it important. While on duty we are professionals and will maintain such decorum in public. In private, we can be however we choose to be. I did not know you were a nurse either, until we saw each other again in sickbay."

She leaned closer as well to respond, "I agree, it matters not what career paths either of us have chosen. Seeing you today was quite a shock, but I'm glad I will get to see you more often than I thought, even if its in a profession sense." She took a sip of her wine before continuing. "I am very new at this...being in a relationship."

"As am I..." He wrinkled his nose at the scent of her wine but otherwise said nothing about it. "As you already know, I have never been in one either. I am pleased to know we will see each other often, though.. I might not find it enough."

"Not enough?" Tilting her head to the side she encouraged him to elaborate, for her mere pleasure, she was already well aware of what he meant by the statement.

"Not enough," he repeated with a nod. "As I have already indicated when we were on Risa, I find myself not liking your absence." This time, he reached for her hand in a very public act of endearment. "It feels as if something is missing, when you are not near me."

"So then always be near me." Javn briefly forgot their surroundings, lost in the bliss that engulfed her the moment he took her hand. "I detest your absence more then anything. Stay with me tonight..." It wasn't exactly a question, nor a demand, but something similar to a plead.

"Do you mean that?" He looked up at her, fearful he might have mistaken her words or their meaning. In his mind, to always be near was to form a bond, but he wasn't sure he was ready for that. or even, if she were ready for that.

"I see no harm in it...If you would rather not sleep in my quarters, if its...improper then I'll understand. It doesn't need to be every night, but on occasion." Her nerves had her rambling, instantly regretting the invitation for fear he would reject it.

"It is not the sleeping in your quarters..." He paused. "Javn... do you understand the importance of what you just suggested? Given what I told you on Risa, about Vulcan relationships? For you to suggest to always be near..." Lyras reached out, tracing specific points on the side of her face, relishing the warmth of her skin against the tips of his sensitive fingers. "Do you understand?"

She set her wine glass gently on the table, "I don't think I am ready for …a bond, I believe you called it. I just meant to express my desire to spend more time with you."

"Ah..." He had thought as much but now he knew for sure. "I want to spend more time with you too, but spending the night may be unwise." He leaned back in his chair, watching her response closely.

"Why?" Javn lifted her gaze to meet his eyes. "Do you have little faith in our abilities to, how does it go, 'keep our hands to ourselves'?"

Slowly, he nodded. "Our resolve was already tested, I am uncertain if we could resist again. I want nothing more than to be with you, but I have to remain true to myself too... My upbringing is the last I have, my beliefs are already uprooted by the discovery of being hybrid. This is all I have."

Javn sighed while leaning back in her chair, she began to fiddle with the neck of her wine glass. "I do wish there was some sort of guidebook or manual pertaining to Vulcan relationships, a sort of do's and don'ts. I feel as if I'm a bad influence, like I'm testing your virtue."

"Bad influence? Never!" Lyras offered a wry smile. "Testing my virtue, most definitely. Vulcans are very private, there are a lot of things we do not discuss with outsiders. Or show to those not close to us. You have seen a side of me others may never see. You have felt how I feel, that is a very intimate gesture on my part, something I would not share with just anyone."

"I am a bad influence indeed!" She laughed, "I cant say that I am not slightly upset that you will not stay with me. I understand the situation it would place us both in, BUT my intentions are genuine." She paused for a moment. "I dream about you sometimes, when I wake it gives me much sadness to not find you."

"I know your intentions are genuine, I do not doubt them. It is my own resolve I do not trust." He leaned forward again, looking around to see if they were still alone. "You dream about me?" He arched a single eyebrow at her in genuine surprise. "Why?"

Javn leaned forward until her face was just inches away from his, "Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am in love with you. " she said playfully. "What is it that you dream of? Surely Vulcans dream."

Slowly, he shook his head. "No, Vulcans do not dream. The only time I did dream, was when I was ill." He paused, relishing her proximity. "I have feelings for you too," he admitted, " I do not know how to describe them but I have shown you. Does that relate to how you feel?" He cast her a curious but honest look. He did want to understand how he felt.

"I feel as you feel, I love you as you love me." She confirmed. A small V started to form between her brows as her curiosity grew. "You truly do not dream? There are no fantasies that visit you while you sleep? You do not relive memories?"

He shook his head again. "There is no logic in entertaining fantasies," he answered, "or dwelling on memories that I cannot change. I would prefer to focus on now, and the future."

"Hmm." Was her only response. She placed her chin in her palm making sure to stay in close proximity to him, "So you don't take pleasure in recalling memories such as those we share from our spa day?" The corner of her lips perked up into a grin waiting to see what reaction brining up such an intimate moment would have on him.

"I do not dwell on them no," he answered, "but I will treasure them." He wasn't sure how else to respond but somehow, he felt this might not have been what she was after. "Though I would like to repeat the experience sometime," he added after a few seconds.

She laughed softly and leaned back in her chair picking up her wine glass to finish it. "Here I thought I was the bad influence for your resolve." she joked.

"You are not, I already told you that," Lyras countered, "I do not understand why you find that amusing."

Javn attempted to change the subject, “How was your first shift aboard the Orion? We both seemed very busy today, I’m sorry I didn’t seek you out earlier.” After setting her now empty wine glass on the table she crossed her legs, shifting in her seat so that she faced him directly.

"It took getting used to. I still have a great deal to learn when it comes to modern technology. I have asked Doctor Haas for his tutoring and assistance." He watched her shift her position before looking up at her face again. "Finding you in sickbay was a pleasant surprise."

"I agree, pleasant but also a tad distracting." she said with a smile. Javn silently wished they were back on Risa, where it wouldn't have been improper for her to lean over and kiss him. Holding an appropriate level of professionalism was going to be a greater challenge then she had first perceived, especially so soon after the return from Risa.

"Indeed." He leaned back and steepled his fingers together. "But we are professionals, and we can maintain a professional working relation while we are on duty," he added solemnly, "however, what we do off duty, within the privacy of our quarters is our affair and not of anyone else's business."

Javn slid her legs closer to Lyras until her shin was touching the back of his calf. She wasn't prepared for the rush of adrenaline that the subtle movement had given her. She watched his face carefully, looking for any change in his stoic expression.

"So you will visit my quarters but not stay the evening then?" Her eyebrows perked up slightly and a sly grin spread across her lips.

"Affirmative." He could see the grin, but could not discern its specific meaning as the subtleties were lost on him. He held still as her leg touched his, not quite sure what she was trying to achieve with this move. He held his expression carefully neutral, though it was difficult. There was a minute twitch of confusion which he quickly controlled as he watched her in turn. "What are you doing?" he asked carefully.

Her eyes narrowed for a moment before giving Lyras her most innocent look, "Nothing, just enjoying a conversation with my..." she bit her bottom lip and rubbed her chin. "What do I call you? What's the equivalent to boyfriend in Vulcan? Is there even such a thing in your culture?"

"I do not know," he confessed, "as I already explained, Vulcans do not engage in excessive courting. Most are bonded at the age of seven and do not see their betrothed until their Time. At such time, the female may choose to challenge, in which case the male will fight for the right to marry her." He paused, considering her question. "However, as you are not Vulcan, I will accept the title of boyfriend."

Javn was so thrilled she could clap but she settled for a light giggle at Lyras' apparent dislike of the word. She took a moment to process the other information he had given her, distracted at first by her excitement.

"Wait... so the women who choose to fight, it is because they do not wish to marry? What happens if they lose the battle? Are they forced into the marriage?" She leaned forward intrigued once again by the Vulcan culture.

"The women do not fight unless they choose to be their own champion. A woman may choose to challenge if she does not wish to marry. She then chooses a champion to fight for her, often the male she does want to marry. This is called kal-if-fee. The male, in the throes of pon farr, will fight her champion, and it is a fight to the death. If the challenged male survives, he may choose to claim the woman, or release her. In my time, it was a common practice, though I do not believe a marriage was challenged very often. In current time, I do not know if this is still practiced."

He paused, considering his explanation. "For example.. if you were Vulcan, and we were bonded as a child but as you grow up you meet someone you would prefer as mate over me." He held up his hand to stall a comment. "This is just an example. At the family grounds, where the finalization of the bonding would take place, you could challenge by calling out kal-if-fee. I then, would have to fight a champion of your choosing. I would be fighting for my life, my survival would depend on winning each round of combat."

She was quiet as he explained, listening intently. Unaware of her actions she moved her leg to brush his, she found comfort in the interaction and their closeness while she listened. Still biting her lip she asked, "So you are not bonded, that means I don't have to worry about entering combat with some female for your hand correct?" She felt silly having to ask but was curious.

"A male does not get to challenge, as he is in the throes of pon farr at such a time. He must mate or he will die. It is the female who gets to challenge... Either way, the burn will pass as combat is completed. Either the male prevails and is rid of the burning, or he dies and the female is free of the throes she endured during her bond and thus free to take a mate of her choosing. As we are not bonded, there is no such risk for you." He paused, looking away. "I still am at risk... If I enter pon farr...I will need a mate. I do not know when this will happen, there is no set date."

Javn’s stomach sank as the next question left her lips. “Will your mate.... need to be a Vulcan? To meet the requirements of pon farr?” She instantly wished she had kept the question to herself for fear of whatever the answer might be.

"Fortunately not," Lyras answered, seeing the dread on her face at her own question. "Nor do I need to return to Vulcan, as I am not bonded. I am free to choose my own mate."

Javn made no attempt to hide the look of relief that washed over her. She lost herself in thought for several seconds, there was much more she wanted to know about his Vulcan culture, about his Romulan side as well. It was quite the task to keep her curiosity under control but she didn't want Lyras to feel like a subject under investigation. There was one question she would not with hold she decided, "What are the symptoms regarding this 'pon farr'? Will you know before it has begun and how much time will you have to complete the ….mating?"

"I have not experienced it before, and the severity may vary...but the onset is the blood fever, and irritability. I assume Doctor Haas is able to diagnose, should it occur otherwise the EMH will certainly be able to. How much time I have, I do not know, the longer I would wait, the worse it will get... And this is from observation only." He paused. "It is an extremely private and embarrassing affair."

"I dislike the uncertainty of not knowing, pon farr could fall upon you tomorrow...or not for years. Quite nerve wreaking." Javn held eye contact with Lyras, their conversation had given her much to think about. She knew they shared the same feelings, but did that mean she was ready to be bonded? If not, would she be ready before this pon farr started to effect him?

"If we were bonded, you would feel it as I would," he said slowly, avoiding to look at her, "you would be drawn to me as I would be to you. But I do not want you to do anything you are not ready for."

“Even more so then I already am drawn to you?” She tilted her head waiting for him to look up at her. She knew this conversation wasn’t exactly comfortable for him but she also wanted him to feel he could discuss such matters with her. “It’s seems hard to imagine a stronger feeling then the ones I already have for you.”

Lyras nodded, cheeks colouring as he chanced a look up. "Definitely," he murmured, really wishing for a less public place now, "you will want nothing other than to be near me. It is...biology for us. Remember I have not experienced this before, I can only go on what I was taught as a child. The mating drive is so strong, it consumes us. We lose all control we have."

Javn took in how cute Lyras was with the color added to his cheeks, his bashfulness made her swoon. Smiling she stood, scooping up the PADD in the same movement. Now looking down at Lyras she asked, ”Would you like to escort me to my quarters?”

Standing as well, he offered her his arm. "Yes," he answered simply, "I would."

Hooking her free arm in his she led them from ten forward en route to the nearest turbolift. "Thank you for answering my questions Lyras, I imagine that conversation wasn't easy."

"It was not. I would prefer to answer further questions in private. Though... If we are to pursue this, I believe we should talk to the captain. He should be...informed."

"The...Captain?" Javn gulped, she made it a point to not do anything that would warrant the captains attention, she walked a straight line, did as she's told, respected superiors. She cringed at the mental imagine of the conversation with the captain about her...personal relations. "If you believe that informing him is...necessary, then I agree."

"As a precaution," the Vulcan said slowly, "if... If this comes up sooner than anticipated, he will need to be informed. If you are not near at that time....he may need to confine me until you can be near..." As they stepped into the turbo lift, he turned to face her. "This scares me... If anything does scare me, it is this. The very idea of losing control like that...what little control I do have...it is extremely unnerving."

Lyras' words came as a shock to Javn, she had to remind herself that though he may not show much emotion, it did not mean he didn't harbor it inside. She couldn't imagine him fearful of anything, and for him to express such about this...caused her to share in that fear. It was too soon to imagine losing him she told herself.

Javn caressed his cheek with her thumb before pulling herself up on her toes to kiss him, deeply. "We wont let that happen." She whispered across his lips.

He had no answer to that, so he simply allowed the kiss, feeling a little unnerved now. "Deck one," he said as the lift started moving.


Ensign Lyras
Medical Officer, USS Orion



Ensign Javn Darhk
Head Nurse, USS Orion


 

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